What makes a successful negotiator?

What makes a successful negotiator?

It is common knowledge that every aspect of our business and personal life requires negotiation. Negotiating skills are not usually part of our formal education, though we use these skills all day, every day. Negotiating can be explained as simply as "working side by side with other to achieve some beneficial result." Luckily, it is a practical skill that can be learned. It doesn’t matter if we run General Motors or our households, we all want to communicate and convince effectively, we all want to be successful negotiators. So no matter what our age or our position in life, if we develop a certain attitude about negotiating, pay attention to honing our skills, then our life will run smoother.

What makes a successful negotiator, anyway? I think successful negotiators have several things in common. They are always polite and rational people, they are firm but flexible, they can recognize power and know how to use it, they are sensitive to the dynamics of a negotiation – the way it rises and falls and may change direction many times, they project an aura of confidence, and, perhaps, most importantly, they know when to stop.

I also believe that a successful negotiator always remembers six main things developing his negotiating strategy:

Firstly, he acts collaboratively, not competitively. He understands: it is not "me against you." When we see the other person as a bargaining partner, we are aware that everyone must come away with a benefit. It is a big mistake to think someone is going to give you something for nothing. So he tries to determine what it is the other person might want, in exchange for what he wants. And then present his case to show them that, if they will help him get what he needs, he will help them get what they need.

Secondly, he personalizes the situation; deals as individual, not as institutions or corporations. He is not talking to "the LKB bank" but to Elena Petrova, the person sitting in front of him, who represents the bank.

Thirdly, he increases his expectations. The matter is that we usually get what we expect to get. When we truly expect to get what it is we are seeking, others see this in us.  If we don’t think we will get the promotion, we probably won’t. If we don’t think we will land the contract, we probably won’t. There is no way we will put our best effort forward if we think, in the back of our mind, we won’t succeed anyway. So we might as well act as if we expect to get whatever it is we want.

Fourthly, he knows what he wants. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But surprisingly, there are many times when we go in to a negotiating session saying, "Let’s see what they offer us." Why let the other person decide what we will get? Nobody knows our business or our life as we do. Being able to state specific proposals gives us strength.

Fifthly, he stays focused on the real issues. He decides what he absolutely wants to come away with; what extra’s it would be nice to come away with; and what he can do without if he needs to give them up to reach an agreement. Why does he need to determine these things in advance? Because in the "heat of battle" he won’t be able to focus on these issues so easily, and he could be very surprised at what he didn’t get or at what he gave away.

Sixthly, he always prepares. He does his “homework”; thoroughly researches the person or company with which he’ll be dealing. Is the company an innovative one or a staid one? Is the person with whom he is negotiating known for being creative or for being more traditional?

Thus, when we realize that virtually every aspect of our life requires negotiation, the benefit of being a better, more efficient negotiator is clear. I have marked that a successful negotiator should have several things in common: he acts collaboratively, not competitively, he personalizes the situation, he increases his expectations, he stays focused on the real issues and he always prepares. These are just a few of the many points, but they are most important as I think. Of course, practicing negotiation skills takes time and effort and that is why a successful negotiator should not be too inpatient, emotional or aggressive.